Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
