Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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