She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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