his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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