are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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