According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
