Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
