I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
