He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
