anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
