there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
