I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
