Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
