after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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