hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just google imaged poop.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
