If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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