I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
