Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
