hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
