Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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