We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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