Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
