WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
