i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
