I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
