all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
