I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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