I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
