They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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