he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
