you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
