I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Go christen that room with your naked body.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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