I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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