They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
