Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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