So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
