I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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