The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
