is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
