is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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