I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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