y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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