You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
