we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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