Don't you send me to vm
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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