1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You pole danced in your parka.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
