I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
