I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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