If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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