I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
two words...techno handjob
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The adults are the big ones right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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