i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
