dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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